The Myth of Managing Grief

Here come the holidays. You know, "the most wonderful time of the year."

Alright, can we just say what everyone knows anyway? For a lot of people--many more than any of us will ever know--the holidays are horrible, a season in which the grief they carry around with them all of the time becomes that much more painful.

If that sounds autobiographical, that's because it is. But like so many people who hurt, I don't want to talk about it. Not here anyway. And not now.

The main reason I'm bringing this up at all is because not too long ago I was digging around in this wasteland called the Web when I came across the article that follows. It has a very specific context. It was first published on April 7, 2002, less than a year after the attacks of September 11, 2001. But its message is timeless.

And even though it appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, a secular newspaper located on the left coast no less, it contains a lot of insight and even a good bit of what might be called pastoral wisdom. I copy it here for what it's worth:

The myth of managing grief
by Stephanie Salter

Not long ago, a friend in New York said that she often feels cut off from the rest of the country because Sept. 11 is still so much with most New Yorkers.

"We've all gotten on with our lives, and if you don't go down to the (World Trade Center) site, there are no visible traces," she said. "But there's still so much grief and sadness hanging in the air."

People outside of New York can't really understand, said my friend.

"You talk with them and, if you didn't lose someone directly in the twin towers, it's like their tone says, 'Hey, shouldn't you be moving on?' They don't get that there's a collective grief. I actually prefer it when people don't even ask how it's going. It's easier."

Our American culture boasts many virtues and several strong suits, but grieving -- collectively or individually -- isn't one of them.

Unlike older societies, we have few formal grieving rituals in place to guide us. So, we try to tackle grief in our typical American way -- as if it's a problem to be solved, an illness to be cured, an unnatural, machine-gumming breakdown that needs to be fixed, ASAP.

Perhaps more phobic about suffering than any society in history, Americans tend to start the clock ticking early in "managing" grief. While solicitous and caring of the newly bereaved, we encourage heartbroken mates and parents to medicate themselves so they can "keep it together" through the funeral.

This ignores the fact that wailing and keening and "losing it" are a pretty accurate rendering of what humans inside feel like when someone we love dies or leaves us. But, in our culture, public wailing and keening are considered bad forms; they are seen as unwelcome reminders of pathology among "healthy" people.

Even the most devastating loss -- that of a child by a parent -- seems to carry an unwritten statute of limitations on grief, something I learned several years ago when I reported on an international organization called Compassionate Friends.

Founded in England in the late 1960s, the massive support network's chapters provide something that bereaved parents and siblings can't get from the rest of the world: "unconditional love and understanding" (as its informal credo states) with no expiration date.

As one member told me, she knew that a Compassionate Friends meeting was the one place she could go and never hear the unintentionally accusing question, "How many years ago did you say your child died?"

Grief is not like an illness, to be fought and cured with medicine or chemotherapy and radiation. Generalizations can be made about human behavioral tendencies, and time lines can be drawn for predicted "healing," but each person's grieving process is unique.

Some people never "get better." And nobody survives grief unchanged.

As Stephanie Ericsson wrote in "Companion Through the Darkness," grief is "a tidal wave that overtakes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness, where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped."

Or, as a man who lost his 7-year-old son once confided, "I'd always thought of myself as a happy man, but that's gone now. We have moments of happiness, some of them long and filled with laughter, but the sense of what is lost is never far away."

In her book, Stephanie Ericsson also warned: "Grief makes what others think of you moot. It shears away the masks of normal life and forces brutal honesty out of your mouth before propriety can stop you. It shoves away friends and scares away so-called friends and rewrites your address book for you."

Sources for Introducing the Psalms

Today I'm especially grateful for the good service of our active duty military and of our veterans. Many thanks to my father, Frank H. Bellizzi, Jr., who honorably served in the United States Air Force for over twenty-six years.

For what it's worth, today veterans and active duty military eat free at Applebee's.

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Occasionally, I like to use this blog as a public archive, to store away things that might be useful to me later. It's important for any student to preserve the fruit of his or her study. And if what I'm saving might be useful to you as well, then I sometimes post it here.

Believers have always loved the Book of Psalms. A few statements and quotes that can be used for introducing the Psalms:

In a letter to his friend Marcellinum, the fourth-century bishop Athanasius said,

It is my view that in the words of this book the whole human life, its basic spiritual conduct and as well its occasional movements and thoughts, is comprehended and contained. Nothing to be found in human life is omitted.

In the early sixteenth century, Martin Luther, the great leader of the Protestant Reformation, said that the Psalms

might well be called a little Bible. In it is comprehended most beautifully and briefly everything that is in the entire Bible. It is really a fine . . . handbook.

In his Commentary on the Psalms, John Calvin wrote that in this book

there is nothing wanting which relates to the knowledge of salvation.

In Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who died at the hands of the Nazis, said that the Book of Psalms

occupies a unique place in the Holy Scriptures. It is God's Word and, with a few exceptions, the prayer of men as well.

Source: James Luther Mays, Psalms (Louisville: John Knox Press, 1994), p. 1

The Psalms continue to live and [to] grip the attention of needy humanity. Fads blossom and wilt, generations come and go, civilizations rise and fall, but the Psalms continue to serve the ages. No other book has been so fondly read and so freely commented on. The inescapable conclusion is—it has something helpful for [people] in every circumstance of life. . . . The Psalms are [a] common heritage, filling common needs. They contain guidance for the errant, power for the weak, courage for the trembling, rest for the weary, cheer for the despondent, hope for the fainthearted and comfort for the afflicted.

Source: Leroy Brownlow, Living with the Psalms, (Fort Worth, TX: Brownlow Publishing Company, 1976), no page number.

A is for Abductive, B is for Balderdash

It's not too often that you read "Hogwash!" in a scholarly book review. But that's exactly one of the comments that Tim Sensing, a professor at Abilene Christian University, makes in his review of the book A is for Abductive: The Language of the Emerging Church, by Leonard Sweet, Brian McLaren, and Jerry Haselmayer. Sensing's review appears in the most recent issue of Restoration Quarterly (Volume 51, Fourth Quarter 2009, pp. 251-253), and it serves as a model of one of the functions of good scholarship: to drive out bad scholarship.

According to Sensing, A is for Abductive is a dictionary type book that "advertises itself as a primer for people desiring to discern the thought processes of churches that are responding to postmodern culture." The book includes entries like "I is for Icon." But Sensing doesn't have to go beyond the very first entry, "A is for Abductive Method," to find what he calls "enough fodder" for his review. In that first entry, the authors cite the work of philosopher Charles Sanders Pierce, and advocate an approach to preaching that, instead of analyzing, looks to create an image or compose an experience. Sounds sexy, doesn't it?

But as Sensing points out, not only are the authors guilty of mere assertion, they apparently didn't bother to read the work of C. S. Pierce: you know, the work that supposedly provides the theoretical foundation for what they're saying. They do cite a 1970 dissertation dealing with Pierce's theory. So Sensing read the dissertation and compared it to A is for Abductive. What he found was "no basis for associating Pierce's understanding of the logic of scientific discovery to the abductive method presented by the authors." In short, Sweet, McLaren and Haselmayer have completely misappropriated C. S. Pierce, and are, at least in this case, patently guilty of a name-dropping sort of pseudo scholarship.

Meanwhile, Sensing points out, all of the sudden everyone's getting all "abductive." For example, a recent article by Paul Windsor, "A Space to Occupy: Creating a Missional Model for Preaching," (Stimulus, Vol. 13, no 1 [2005]: 20-25) cites A is for Abductive as though it were a genuine authority.

Carl Savage and William Presnell do much the same thing in their book Narrative Research in Ministry: A Postmodern Research Approach for Faith Communities (Louisville: Wayne E. Oates Institute, 2008). Sensing notes that Savage and Presnell cite A is for Abductive "to make claims about narrative research methodology. Relying on the authors' pseudo-work leads them to assert that the essence of narrative as the primary voice of theological research in ministry is 'non-logical.'" (This is where Sensing has to say, "Hogwash!"). He closes with, "Those footnoting this work contribute to the dissemination of ignorance."

Upon reading this review, I was reminded that some of the best preachers I've ever known didn't know much about communication theory per se. But they did love the Lord. They modeled, imperfectly, what it means to live for Him. And they understood a few things about how to convict and persuade people, how to show them the hope that is found only in Christ Jesus and build them up in faith. Most of that know-how came as a result of their deep study of the Bible and a passion for preaching God's Word.

I know, to some ears that might sound a bit sappy, nostalgic, inadequate. I can only protest that maybe that's part of what's behind the loss of vitality in American church life today. There can be no doubt that major shifts are taking place in American thought and life. I don't understand much about that. What I do know is that nonsense masquerading as Christian scholarship or "the next big thing" isn't the answer. How 'bout you?

Biblical Hebrew at Amarillo College

It's official. I got the letter about three weeks ago. Here's the Reader's Digest condensed version:

At the September 18, 2009 meeting, the Academic Affairs Committee reviewed and approved your request to add the following courses to the Amarillo College course inventory:

RELG 2311: Biblical Hebrew I

RELG 2312: Biblical Hebrew II

Yea! I'm so relieved and excited. This is something I've been working toward for a long time. More later. I've got to get ready for class.

A Frenzied, Frantic Fall Semester

I know. Til now, I haven't posted anything in the entire month of September. Thanks for checking back with me. So what's been going on here?

1. School started. And, boy, did it ever start. Amarillo College set a record enrollment this fall, with well over 11,000 students, more now than ever before in the history of the school, and one thousand more than this time last year. My classes are packed. One of them, New Testament, maxed out at 30 students. (That's about as many as we can comfortably seat in our classroom). The other classes--The Old Testament, Introduction to World Religions, and The Gospel of John--are also pretty full. So it's a busy time at the Bible Chair. Lots of students, and that's nice.

2. School started. Yeah, I said that already. But I also went back to school as a student. I've always enjoyed the structure, the challenge, and the opportunity of a college course. Well, almost always. So I signed up to take a graduate seminar at West Texas A&M. It's a history class focused on medieval England, especially London. The professor, Dr. Bruce Brasington, is a full-fledged medievalist. He really knows his stuff. Best of all, he's challenging us to do almost all of our reading in the primary sources. I've decided to do my seminar paper on some aspect of the Lollards, those religious eccentrics who took their inspiration from John Wyclif. My working title is "Hell's Bells: Lollard Objections to Church Bells, the 'Horns of the Antichrist'." I hope the project turns out to be as juicy as it sounds. Maybe a Ph.D. in religious history some day? We'll see.

3. Hebrew. Oh, I'm also teaching another course this semester: Introduction to Biblical Hebrew. So far, student turn out has been high to say the least. The second week, we stuffed nearly 50 people into the classroom. We ran out of chairs. A few people went back to their cars and brought in their lawn chairs. I won't soon forget a doctor, still in his scrubs, sitting on the floor just a few feet away from me as we learned the Hebrew alphabet song. Here's the most exciting news about Hebrew: we're right on the verge of finishing up the process so that Hebrew I and II will be added to the curriculum of Amarillo College. This has been one of those long, drawn-out things. You wouldn't believe the work that goes into adding two classes to the course inventory of a college. But now it's done, and I'm just waiting to hear from the school that this has now gone through. If and when I get the news, then Biblical Hebrew I will be offered in the "Fall Too" semester at AC, which begins in early October. In the Spring semester, the second course would be offered on the regular schedule. Stay tuned.

4. Beautiful weather. This time of year it's very pretty here on the high plains. We've had some absolutely gorgeous days, with hardly more than a slight breeze. So I've gotten to spend a lot of time riding my bicycle and walking.

5. Preaching and teaching. Over the last few weeks, I did a couple of the sessions in the Wednesday-night summer series at my home church. Currently, I'm the fill-in preacher at the Church of Christ in Panhandle, Texas. For three weeks, I'm driving out for the morning Bible study and worship. The auditorium class is looking at a different psalm each week. That's something I really enjoy. So far we've looked at Psalms 4 and 113. Not sure which one we'll go with next Sunday. Any suggestions? (You have to say why). The sermon mini-series is entitled "Real Christianity." Seems like the lessons are about to convert the guy in the pulpit. But he's a sluggish soul. . . .

So what's going on in your world these days? I'd enjoy reading a few updates that I might not get from the blogs. Oh, anyone else going to the Moser Ministry Conference at Lubbock? Lemme hear from you. Cheers!

Brazos Theological Commentary on the Bible

Over the past year or two, I've noticed the publication of several volumes in a new series called the Brazos Theological Commentary on the Bible. R. R. Reno (pictured here) is the series editor. Reno is a professor of theology at Creighton University and authored the Brazos volume on the Book of Genesis.

Of all the commentary sets out there, I have to say this one intrigues me the most. For one thing, you might not always recognize the names of the authors. Most preachers and teachers expect to see commentaries on New Testament books by well-known specialists like Ben Witherington III, Scot McKnight, Gordon Fee, and the everywhere-all-the-time N. T. Wright. If it's a commentary on an Old Testament book, then you expect names like Tremper Longman, Choon-Leong Seow, Terence Fretheim, and John H. Walton. But none of those names show up on the Brazos list.

Something else about this series: when I do recognize an author's name, it's usually someone who's earned his or her reputation in a field next to biblical studies, not in it. For example, the volume on the Book of Acts was written by the late Yale professor Jaroslav Pelikan, who made his mark as an historian of Christianity and the Middle Ages. Pelikan was a great scholar. But he was not a biblical scholar per se. The commentary on Colossians has been assigned to Christopher Seitz, an Old Testament specialist who, to my knowledge, hasn't published much at all in the area of New Testament (but who has always shown an interest in the theological unity of the Christian Bible). The volume on Matthew is by the popular theologian and ethicist Stanley Hauerwas. And Ellen Charry, a theologian who teaches at Princeton, is scheduled to co-author the commentary on the Book of Psalms.

In short, this series deliberately steers off the beaten path. Instead of biblical specialists, it turns to people who are more theologians, rather than biblical specialists, to say what they will about the various books of the Bible. This comes across clearly in the official blurb:

Leading theologians read and interpret scripture for today's church, providing guidance for reading the Bible under the rule of faith. Each volume in the Brazos Theological Commentary on the Bible is designed to serve the church--through aid in preaching, teaching, study groups, and so forth--and demonstrate the continuing intellectual and practical viability of theological interpretation of the Bible.

It will be interesting to see where this series will go, what impact it might actually make in the way that students of the Bible hear and apply the text. If you need to know the answer to some technical question, there are a handful of resources you can turn to (e.g., Word Biblical Commentary, International Critical Commentary, etc.). But to hear what historian Timothy George might have to say about the Book of James? That sounds especially interesting to me.

So, has anyone out there taken a look at one of the Brazos volumes? What did you think?

In the Beginning

Yesterday was the first day of school at Amarillo College. Needless to say, for the past week or so it's been a little hectic here at the Bible Chair.

As all teachers know, there are a thousand and one things that just have to be done before you start a new school year. And even when you think you've got all the is dotted and all the ts crossed, a couple more issues always come along at the last minute. As the first day got closer and closer, I knew I had to have everything set. Here's the schedule for Monday:

The Old Testament 9:00-10:15 a.m.
The New Testament 10:30-11:45 a.m.
Intro. to World Religions 1:30-2:45 p.m.

A total of 62 students signed up for those three classes, one of our best enrollments ever. And yesterday, every single student on the roster showed up. In the time I've been teaching, that's never happened before.

So far, the hard work of the last few weeks has paid off. The first day went pretty well. The biggest snag came in the afternoon. Within the last few days, there was a location change for the World Religions class. So students who printed off their schedules early went to the Music Building for class. Students who printed off their schedules later came to the Bible Chair instead.

When I realized what had happened, I told the people at the Bible Chair to stay there, ran to the Music Building to meet the other students, explained to them what was going on, wrote instructions and drew a map on the chalkboard for anyone who arrived late, then walked everyone over to the Bible Chair where we started class a few minutes late. No one got lost, and more than half the students took in a little exercise for good measure.

Tomorrow's schedule will include all of the Monday classes plus a short session on the Gospel of John, from Noon til 12:50. Then, beginning September 3rd, there will be a Thursday evening course in Elementary Biblical Hebrew, starting at 7:00 p.m.

Auditors are welcome to attend any of these classes other than The New Testament, which is completely full.

I like this job, and I'm thankful for it. I think it's going to be a good semester.

Free Course in Elementary Biblical Hebrew

בְּרֵאשִׁית בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים אֵת הַשָּׁמַיִם וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ

What efforts I spent on that task (i.e., learning Hebrew), what difficulties I had to face, how often I despaired, how often I gave up and then in my eagerness to learn began again … I thank the Lord that from a bitter seed of learning I am now plucking sweet fruits! – Saint Jerome, Epistula 125.12.

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Beginning Thursday, September 3rd, a course in Basic Biblical Hebrew will be offered at Amarillo Bible Chair. There are no pre-requisites for this course. No previous knowledge of the language is expected. Anyone interested is welcome and encouraged to attend.

The class will meet each Thursday evening, beginning at 7:00 p.m., at the Bible Chair building, 2501 S. Jackson (corner of Jackson and 25th), just across the street from the south parking lot of the Washington Street campus of Amarillo College. Students should plan for class sessions lasting about two hours.

As soon as the course is added to the AC curriculum, students will be able to receive full credit. It is anticipated that the first semester of the course will be offered as a “Fall Too” (late fall) class.

Regarding textbooks: Students will eventually need to purchase Biblical Hebrew, Second Edition SET (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2004). The two books and three audio CDs should be purchased as a package.

Questions? Please call the instructor, Frank Bellizzi, at (806) 372-5747, or send an email to . . . frankbellizzi@aya.yale.edu

So Long to the Legendary Les Paul

Anyone who's ever picked up and played a solid-body electric guitar has had the great Les Paul to thank for having done so much to bring that wonder into the world.

But "Red-Hot Red," who died yesterday at the age of 94, was more than an inventor. At different stages in his life, he was a sound guru, a recording artist, and, above all, a performer. In fact, he was still playing two shows, one night a week, until earlier this year. Few people have lived such a full life.

Back in 2005, I traveled with my daughter Chloe and some other musicians from her high school to see him play at the Iridium Jazz Club in Manhattan. What a night! So glad we went.

Recently Read

According to the New Testament, the first, most-basic quality of a church elder is simple: he must be trustworthy. In the words of the text, the ideal pastor is above reproach (1 Timothy 3:2) and blameless (Titus 1:5). He leads an honorable life, reeks of integrity, has a rock-solid reputation.

Speaking of our fifth President, James Monroe, Thomas Jefferson once said, "Monroe was so honest that if you turned his soul inside out there would not be a spot on it." That's the idea.

As I read The Ten-Year Century by Tom Hayes and Michael S. Malone, it made me think that as the pace of change continues to snowball, the quality of trustworthiness will, if anything, become even more important. Aren't you thankful for those people you can count on to do their best to do what's right?

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The genre of short story isn't dead. But it ain't what it used to be either. The Valetudinarian, a story by Joshua Ferris recently published in the New Yorker magazine, is a step in the right direction. It's about a grouchy old widower who thinks he's dying before he decides to live. This one will likely entertain more guys than girls. Either way, it's one fine piece of fiction. Read any good short stories lately?

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I recently finished Antony Flew's much-talked-about book, There is a God: How the World's Most Notorious Atheist Changed His Mind. People who are up on recent debates about the existence of God, or on the recent history of the Churches of Christ, might remember that in his atheist days Flew participated in a four-night debate with the late Thomas B. Warren. To see what Flew says about that, see this post.

And what would Karl Barth say about Flew's "conversion" to Theism, but not Christianity? A lot. For the skinny, you can check out three previous posts:

Natural Theology: Is it Christian?

Karl Barth's Rejection of Natural Theology, 1

Karl Barth's Rejection of Natural Theology, 2

Bellizzis and Caruthers

Another photo from last Friday night. Michele and I with the honorees, George and Elaine Caruthers, who were married on August 7, 1959 in Lubbock, Texas. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: in addition to being the parents of my beautiful wife, they are some of the finest people God has anywhere. I'm proud to be a part of their family. (However, they're way too clean, neat, and orderly. It's something I'm trying to help them out of. No success so far).

Latest Family Photo

Michele and I and our six children at Michele's mom and dad's 50th wedding anniversary last Friday evening.

Final Countdown to the Start of School

Two weeks from today we start a new school year at Amarillo College. I hope to make these some of my best classes ever. I've been doing this for three and a half years now. During that time I've learned a lot about myself, about the subjects I teach, and about the kinds of things that work (and don't work) in the classroom.

From one semester to the next, I've tried to improve the content of each course and my own delivery of the material. One principle I keep going back to is that students learn and retain the most when they are actively engaged in what's happening in class. It helps them, I think, when they do a good bit of the talking: raising and answering questions, expressing what they've learned, etc. If a person can accurately describe something and clearly explain it, then it's a sure thing that they understand it.

I also try to accommodate the wide array of learning styles among my various students, giving them things to see and touch, as well as hear. I'll never forget the strained look on one lady's face as she listened to my sermons week after week. I thought she was angry or distressed. So I finally asked her about it. She told me that she didn't object to what I was saying. There was no "problem." She was just doing her best to really listen to what was being said. Sometime later, I noticed that whenever my sermons were accompanied by projected text or artwork, her expression was much more relaxed. It was a wake-up call on the importance of making it easier for people who are highly visual and who don't learn very well by simply hearing. (It makes me wonder if, for example, Jesus actually picked a flower when he said, "Consider the lilies of the field").

Anyway, these are just a few of the things running through my mind these days. Here are my questions to you: Who was the best teacher you ever had in high school or college? What made that person's classes so great?

Beach Boy Week

I'm thinking about my parents this morning. It's their 54th wedding anniversary. What a record of faithfulness through joy and tears, good times and bad. I'm very proud of and thankful for them.

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Nine of our crew splashed around in the Long Island Sound yesterday. Hammonasset Beach in Madison, Connecticut is nice this time of year. I'm glad I live in the day of waterproof spf 30!

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Oh, and the night before? Michele and I got to go cruising in a friend's '61 Vette convertible. A 283 with dual 4-barrels and a 4-speed. Drivin' round, top down. Photos and a Beach Boys song to follow. The friend was driving his other car: a '59 Vette convertible that's even faster. I think he's enjoying his "retirement."